Scrumpilicious Banoffee Pie

Dear Solitary Faithful Reader,

Much time has passed since I last regaled you with captured moments from my not-so-interesting life. Fret not, the worrisome culprit often named Laziness, has been seized and remains locked in a secret safe in a galaxy far, far away. And now I return bearing gifts greater than diamonds and lottery tickets from the future...

THE SECRET RECIPE TO BANOFFEE PIE!

That's right, darlings. If you don't know what banoffee pie is...



Thanks, Mr. T, whose favourite colour is soft pink, as everyone knows. So back to the pie, banoffee is a combination of banana + toffee. If you guessed banana and coffee, that could work too; try tweaking the recipe I'm about to share with you and let me know how it goes. So without further ado, voilà!



Banoffee Pie (borrowed by Anna Olson from Sugar)

[For the crust]
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 whole egg
1 egg yolk
Lemon zest
1 tbsp brandy or rum
1 tsp cinnamon
1 pinch cloves
1 cup toasted brown almonds
1/4 cup all-purpose flour

Get a big mixing bowl, add in the butter and sugar, and mix it together until it's nice and creamy. Crack in an entire egg (Anna says it helps make the crust more waterproof) and then another egg yolk, but just the yolk (you can use the whites to make a hair mask or something). Stir the mixture. Grate in some lemon for the zest. Then add a bottle of brandy or rum. Yeah, if you're serving a shipload of swashbucklers! Just a tablespoon of the stuff will do - hey, I have to see if you're paying attention!

Now add the cinnamon and cloves, then give the mixture a good stirring. While you're feeling like a milkmaid churning butter, throw in the toasted brown almonds and all-purpose flour. Keep stirring till the mix is erm, well mixed.

This is the part where I reveal I've never done any actual baking ever in my life, except for ready-mixed cupcakes and muffins. Anna took out the doughy mixture and kind of kneaded it into a neat round slab, which she then wrapped in plastic wrap and pressed down a bit to make it even neater. Then she chucked it in the fridge to chill for 1 hour. So do something similar and you should be fine.



After ogling Kirby Atwood for a full hour on Lipstick Jungle, it's time to cool off with that cold slab of dough you left in the fridge. Unwrap it (obviously) and place it on a light dusting of flour. Then lightly dust another layer of flour on it.

While still thinking of Kirby, grab that big, long, hard rolling pin. Oh yeah. Roll the dough using light and short er, rolls. Anna cautions against using too much pressure (I didn't catch this part but I'm guessing the crust could end up breaking if you do?) so take it easy with light gestures and short rolls. Make sure the dough is slightly more than 1/4 inch thick.

Get your pie tray or whatever that thing is called and place it on the dough, and cut the dough a few inches around the tray to make sure you have enough to fill it with. Am I making sense? You basically need to fill the base and sides of the pie tray with the layer of dough, so just make sure you have enough. If you're stuck, I can't help you there, ya.

For this next bit, I got a little distracted although I don't think I missed anything, but if your pie turns out funny, there could be a missing step here. Either that or you're just terrible with instructions. Anyway, dot the dough with a fork for ventilation or something. Now you're ready to chuck the tray in the oven at 175ºC (350ºF) for... I'm not sure how long. I swear she didn't tell!

Trial and error, I say, trial and error...*sheepish*




[For the filling]
Sliced bananas, ripe for eating
1 can condensed milk*
3 tbsp brown sugar
2 tbsp whipping cream
2 tbsp brandy or rum
Vanilla extract

Here comes the fun part where you make the sweet ooh-y gooey filling you imagine licking off Kirby's glistening abs!



Get your crust from the oven. Slice some bananas that are ripe for eating (but not too ripe). Line the crust with the banana slices.

In a pot over medium heat, pour in the condensed milk and the brown sugar. Stir the mixture (over medium heat) for 10 minutes. You can work with a low heat if you need more control, but you'll need to stir it for longer. Add in the whipping cream and brandy or rum, as well as vanilla extract (again, she didn't say how much... maybe 2 tbsp?).

By now, your mixture should resemble toffee. Pour it in over the banana slices in the crust. Chill for 15 minutes in the fridge.


[For decoration]
Chocolate syrup
Chocolate curls or sticks

Don't you think it's time for a well-deserved break? Congratulate yourself with that bottle of rum, but yo-ho-ho don't forget to retrieve your pie from the fridge or you'll be ARGHing, me matey.

Okay, that was cheesy even for me.

Yeah, so get your pie which should be all nice and pie-like. Now for the finishing touches. Top off your lovely pie with a generous dollop of whipped cream and spread it around a bit.

If you're up to it, drizzle chocolate syrup over it the way a chef would add icing with those rolled up papers. But if you're feeling lazy, I guess heaping on globs of chocolate syrup works, too. On the other hand, if you're feeling particularly pretentious, add a few sticks of chocolate so it looks all arty-farty and you can take 100 photos of it for Facebook, where your friends can go OMG, you made that?!

And last, but not least, cut the pie in half and place the bigger half in a pretty air-tight box. Then have the box delivered to my house :D



That's all, folks. Hope you enjoyed my first (borrowed) recipe (and probably the last). If you decide to try it out, do let me know how it turns out! Happy cooking and remember, guns don't kill people but fires sure do!



*According to The Hungry Monk Restaurant, "The secret of this delicious pudding lies in the condensed milk. Immerse the can unopened in a deep pan of boiling water. Cover and boil for 3 hours making sure that the pan does NOT boil dry**. Remove the tin from the water and allow to cool completely before opening. Inside you will find the soft toffee filling."

**"It is absolutely vital to top up the pan of boiling water frequently during the cooking of the cans. 3 hours is a long time and if they are allowed to boil dry the cans will explode causing a grave risk to life, limb and kitchen ceilings."